How much time do you spend worrying that you’re not good enough?
I thought I was getting better at the whole confidence thing; I realized we all have our flaws, that I am not the only one, and that I shouldn’t worry about my perceived failures at all. I no longer care that I am only 164 cm, I don’t care (that much) that I am not a sporty/gym type person, I have forgiven myself for being who I am and now fully embrace it, happy as a clam in my imperfectness!
Or so I thought. Turns out there is still a part of myself that judges me. That worries about the future… Every. Single. Day. Why? Because I have spent years at school, at work, focusing on having a great career (for that will be the be-all-and-end-all of my happiness) and I am TERRIFIED that things will not work out as I dream and hope. I fear that I am only mediocre. That I will never be in charge. That I will never be able to portray to others the image of a successful career woman.
It turns out that I do still worry that I am not good enough, after all. For having a great career, neat as that is, is also one of those things we use to measure ourselves to see how we stack up against others. I don’t care if people will never view me as a great cook, or an admiring health freak. But for me, a successful career equals a successful person. If I won’t have that, I will be less than nothing.
There’s my Achilles heel ladies and gentlemen. Now I must learn to love myself, with or without a promising career.