New beginning

I started this blog because I felt the need to be honest, not only to myself but to others as well. More than that, what I needed was to express myself freely, here where anyone and no-one would be able to read about me, get to know me, after all these years of hiding who I really am. It’s not as dramatic as it may seem. I was just one of the many growing up in a codependent family, with an alcoholic parent. The fact that I was also bullied at school did not help things much.

I did what I could. But my daily existence was one filled with anxiety, stress and worries about simply everything. At the age of 15 I knew that was not a life I wanted to life. I had an inkling that a better, more carefree life was possible, if only I kept digging, if I kept trying, if I managed to enlarge my comfort zone step by step. I did well at school. I moved to Barcelona for 3 months for a language school. I attended a Tony Robbins seminar in London. I was an au-pair in Finland. I traveled as much as I could save up for.

It was about that time, when I was traveling around Scandinavia, that I sat down at Kastrup airport and a thought occured to me: “I really don’t like myself.” What? How can anyone not like themselves? Isn’t that silly? Yet it was so, and up to that point I had not known it. 24 years old and I didn’t like myself. I thought I should be different, in every way, so that I would be “better”. I did not accept myself. I did not respect myself. I did not love myself.

Next step: therapy. A lot of work. A lot of understanding. Knowing, finally, how important it is to live in acceptance with oneself. Realizing how blind people can be in general, how they can be in so much pain without even knowing why. How they don’t know what to do about it.

Going through what I have gone through has made me a different person. Or maybe the person I was meant to be all along but have been too afraid to be. And what I want to do, as much as I can, is help others find their way. To know that they are important, they are special, they can and they should be however they are, no matter what anyone says about or to them. Of course going to see a professional is crucial. But I have also found that it helps to have great reading material.

Self help books don’t have a great reputation. Many think that the authors are only trying to cash in by suspending crappy advice. I’m sure that some are. But I do know people that have made peace with themselves. That truly want to inspire, to help their readers break out of their destructive patterns. For me, personally, I’ve found that certain books can resonate with me if read at the right time. So for now, self help books are going to be my topic, as well as my own road as it lies ahead.

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